Change cannot occur without the art of letting go
Reflecting on the difficult changes I’ve made in my life over the last 15 years, I’ve realized that the first step in ACTUALLY changing is not a step at all. It’s more akin to surrendering or letting go.
For years I would take action hoping to change, but what I learned, is without some sort of removal, subtraction or release, my old wiring would interrupt or sabotage the new action I was taking in a different direction.
To stop abusing substances, I had to first let go of my belief that I couldn’t live without them.
To find the courage to leave my corporate job and start a coaching business I had to let go of the fear of failure.
To fully accept and love myself, I had to let go of the beliefs that I was broken, unlovable and not worth acceptance.
The list goes on and on…
Most conventional wisdom about personal growth focuses on the many things you need to add to your life but rarely touches on subtraction. We’ve all heard the term ‘putting lipstick on a pig’. Most personal growth strategies are just that. Putting lipstick on the pig. You may look or feel good for a short while, but the pig remains. Snorting, shitting and waiting in the depths of your identify for the perfect moment to pop out, drop a huge fart to announce the painful reality that what you wanted to change is still very much there within you.
If you’re trying to make a difficult change in your life what do you need to let go of in order to create space for something else? My therapist says, to create something new in your life you have to do something you’ve never done before. I believe that’s true, but before creating something new, what do you need to let go of? What beliefs, approaches, patterns, emotions, mindsets, fears or habits need to be understood and released before you can create something new?
“The highest path of every human life is to shed the ego that we accumulate over many years, starting in childhood. All of the hurts, the slights, the “I’m not good enoughs”, the “I’m right, you’re wrongs”, the judgments about people. All the roles we assume — mom, dad, executive, teacher, etc.
Essentially, everything you think about yourself and everybody and anything else. You need to just let it all go. And what is one left with after doing that? The beautiful, peaceful, radiant consciousness deep inside you, aka, the real you.’”– David Gerken Psychology Today.